I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
i drank out of a bidet.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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