He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
