Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
