Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
