When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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