I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
