Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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