i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
