I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Randomize
