the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
