I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I need help removing her.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
