AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
