hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
