If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
