Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
