dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
