um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
