Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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