are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
