Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
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