We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
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