i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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