i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
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