The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
