onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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