I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
