He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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