YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
