the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
