I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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