69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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