it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
