Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
