This dress was meant to end up on your floor
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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