She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
