i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Randomize