Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
it was like having sex with a tree stump
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
