i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
