Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
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