My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize