Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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