next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
