I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
