i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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