where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
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