ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
