I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
