Sry I called you an 8
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
