I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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