This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
