Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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