she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
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