So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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