I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
