My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
