i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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