PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
