my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I got inside last night via doggy door
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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