I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
