my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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