Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
