she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
So apparently I’m into choking now
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
