hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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