would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
