that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
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