she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
