Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
