it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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