gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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