Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Drunk is a universal language darling
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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