Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
grandma shit on top of the toilet
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
