I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
