I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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